Republican presidential primary candidate Rick Santorum revealed his latest tactic in an uphill battle against Mitt Romney Monday- a campaign tour bus powered entirely by spite.
"We're going to take this chariot of rancor for Obama, Romney and American intelligence all the way to the White House!" he said at the bus's inaguration.
Santorum said he will continue his tour of the country fueled by his ability to berate Americans of which he does not approve.
"Here's my energy plan, Mr. Obama," said a snarky Santorum, "where's yours?"
He also touted the freedom of energy independence.
"I don't have to wait for fickle campaign donors to fill my gas tank anymore," Santorum said.
"Yes, he does," campaign manager Mike Biundo admitted later.
"He gave us an impossible set of parameters, so I just told him something that would let him do what he was going to do anyways."
While Santorum falls farther behind in the race for delegates, his bus continues to burn diesel gas.
"That shit's expensive," said Biundo. "We'll be out of money by next week if we don't win a few more states."
Meanwhile, distant-third-place competitor Newt Gingrich has unofficialy suspended his campaign to find a carnival attraction to which he sold his soul in 2011.
"Gypsy bitch jewed me," he was heard muttering at the Atlanta International Airport.

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